Do you ever leave an interaction feeling undervalued, unheard, and tense or frustrated? Chances are, a lack of validation in the interaction played a role in how you felt. Now, this is just one interaction. You can likely walk away from it and bounce back fairly quickly, forgetting entirely about it afterwards.
Although frustrating in passing interactions, a lack of validation in your close relationships can significantly wear on you over time. Fortunately, there is a straightforward way to remedy this: validation!
First of all, what is validation?
Validation is expressing to someone that they are responding appropriately and understandably to a situation. Validation, however, does not equal approval. It does not mean you support their actions; instead, you are saying you can understand why they responded and feel like they do.
Why does it matter in my relationships?
Validation creates environments where people can feel safe, happy, and generally better about themselves. Now, think about that in a relationship setting. When you are with your close friends or significant other, do you want to feel safe, happy, and good about yourself? Or would you prefer to leave every interaction feeling like you are misunderstood and unseen? That is the difference validation makes in relationships and why it is essential to healthy relationships.
In relationships, expressing validation can:
- – Diffuse tension
- – Make the other person feel heard and seen
- – Create deeper connection
- – Encourage the other in their sense of self
- – Help others to feel understood
- – And so much more How do I express validation? As with developing any skill, figuring out what it looks like in practicality can sometimes be confusing. Expressing validation has two main components:
- Identifying what the other person is experiencing
- Responding to their experience effectively, often by acknowledging and justifying how they are responding
Using validating statements, such as, “It makes sense that you responded like _____” or “I understand why you would feel this way,” are a great start. For more examples of what validating statements can look like, check out this helpful list provided by Embrace Caregivers.
Validation can also be expressed in non-verbal ways. Matching the emotion of the other person, using non-verbal cues, and active listening (expressed through body language, undivided attention, et cetera) are all great ways to communicate validation.
More Resources!
For more information on the irreplaceable value of validation in relationships, check out this incredible article by Michael S. Sorensen, “Validation: The Most Powerful Relationship Skill You Were Never Taught”